But when he's well, he's very sorry and I am his world and queen again. When Someone You Love Is Bipolar, by Cynthia Last. She was diagnosed with Bipolar 6 years ago after a car crash but they suspected it was underlying and this was the trigger. After years of affection and intimacy, how can they suddenly declare that they don’t feel love, even worse, that they have never loved their partners at all? We are supposed to get married next month, i really want to be with her and understand her and her codition better because i love her. Depressed partners may refuse to face the inner pain that’s wrecking their lives. If he doesn’t feel any responsibility for his negative behavior a therapist may be able to help him develop some introspection. He was diagnosed with Bipolar 3 years ago.Our main problem is that he is still in denial of his illness therefor he refuses treatment. Each person reacts differently though. They do not understand that I was calling trying to get help to save him and this is what crisis services initiated. I’m trying to work out a way out, and recently been started on a changed medication combination, I think iis extra hard to be logical and have confidence in yourself when mood is abnormal. I have spent years walking on eggshells, 13 to be exact, and my husband is also type 1 diabetic and abuses marijuana. Who knows how I might be if I’d had a good family. My fiancee has been dignosed bpd1 for over twelve years now. My hope is that he hits rock bottom and accepts treatment, so My girls can grow up with a relationship with their dad, but I just don’t know if that will happen…. He’s recently changed jobs to reduce his stress levels and he hardly drinks now compared to when we first met. It is depressing to me now, that after all these years and promising steps forward nothing changes with him. I finally faced reality. We strongly recommend you to consult with a professional such as your doctor and/or therapist for specific advice related to your situation. He has never been committed to taking his medications and believes that all drugs are bad for him including his prescribed medications. I have 3 children under 6 and my heart breaks when they witness his temper. After years of being emotionally and verbally abused, I left. It’s terrifying and stressful, and being extremely hormonal and scared and pregnant, I know I don’t handle the situation in a way that will lessen any stress that he’s feeling. It was hard for you to make a decision? My boyfriend is bipolar. So many perceptions, yet we only have our own. THAT RESPONSIBILITY LIES WITHIN THEMSELVES. A person with bipolar may perform physical abuse if his irritability or anger gets too much. I worry it will be worse for my children if we split up. Every episode is a big, I mean, BIG drama. Please help. We never fight when we’re together and can talk for hours. Diagnosis has gone a long way in helping us to cope. In fact, research has shown that there is little to no difference between the state of the marriages where one spouse has Bipolar Disorder, but is in remission, and other married couples in general. That way you have more time to think about what you want to say instead of being overcome by your emotions. I am also successful personally, career-wise, and have many health friendships. The last year has been all the hell I was afraid it would be and more. I was so manic until my daughter took me to a local mental ward.. But there is peace in my home. And mo… I am one of “those bipolar that don’t believe that the meds are the right course for me” but I have my doctors support. Married to person For 25 plus years.. My question is i want to learn as much as i can about her condition and become a better person for her and learn different coping mechanisms to better help us in our relationship, or am i just wasting both of our times. Then he had another breakdown . This is really just sad for anyone involved. I had been diagnosed initially with depression 19 years ago. This is not the first time this has happened, whenever he's elevated he asks for the same thing. Everyone has to live out their own choices. He is currently in the hospital and I miss him so much. I would weigh up the pros and cons for each choice. Leaving was not an option, because of finances, he has been (mostly) gainfully employed, the emotional toll on the children and the negative impact on his stability. Only after taking med’s will the bipolar individual adjust to society, friends and family. I just don’t get it. Be proud of yourself!! I am filing for divorce soon. I wonder if you feel as isolated as I do. If he is not on a path of recovery then this is him? I myself was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 about 6 years ago. Caring for someone with bipolar disorder can be very hard, whether you’re a partner, parent, child, or friend of someone who has this condition. What is being presented here is a conflicting and contradictory portrait of the Bipolar spouse. A 2001 study by Dore and Romans found significant others reported serious difficulties in their relationships with the Bipolar partner when s/he was unwell, with considerable impact on their own employment, finances, legal matters, co-parenting, and other social relationships. And unless he starts taking his disorder more seriously (he takes medication, but has somehow managed to avoid EVER going to counseling/therapy, even after he behaves dismally and PROMISES to go), I don’t know that I’ll stay with him once my youngest has gone off to college. To his family, the way it went down is unforgiveable. I kind of understand her illness but not fully and i am still learning. You know the trope: One minute characters are catatonically depressed, and the next they're so manic they think they can fly off a building. Every episode is a big, I mean, BIG drama. I have been with my amazing partner for 5 years he has had bipolar for 7 years. My finances are shot and I have no health insurance currently. His mood swings improved after a few weeks of being on a higher dosage. If not for himself he will do this for his wife and for his children! I never know what to expect in the mornings, will he be happy or will he be moody? My children, 11 and 7, and I left just 2 months ago. Like all married couples, we promised to take care of each other and promised 'til death fo us part. I love her very much and i respect her just as much and i do believe i show her that everyday and also i give her a lot of attention too. This weighs on me greatly as I need him more then ever and has made my depression worsen which gives him even more power it seems. What ever happened to staying together ‘in sickness and in health’? But look deeper, he loves you, maybe he’s stressed, maybe he’s been busy with extra responsibilities, talk to him. Bipolar Anger Towards Spouse. How do people not feel bad about this? You may also be subject to financial abuse due to manic spending sprees that cause debt. Your session is about to expire. I’ve been married about the same amount of time as you and I thought things would be easier by now. I have been supprtive, over and over again , been to a marriage counselor …… I just can’t take the ” cycling ” of any of it anymore. I really hope you can talk to a professional so you can make good choices about what to do next. He will want to be better! It feels more like you’re married to an adolescent. But my actual question is this: Why does my bipolar spouse treat me so poorly during an episode, yet is able to form and sustain new (seemingly fulfilling) relationships with other people (and not just her affair partners, but countless new friends, etc.)? My partner was recently diagnosed for bipolarity. She painted me with the evil brush to literally everyone in our lives during this phase. I think if we spend some months apart, it would help. No regrets. The non-Bipolar partner, and the marriage itself, takes on a “Bipolar life of its own” as the non-Bipolar spouse see-saws between solicitous and extreme care-giving during their Bipolar husband’s or wife’s depressive episodes, and feelings of blame, resentment, anger, and betrayal when their spouse is in the manic phase of the disorder. I have been with my partner 4 years now we are engaged happy, saving for a house, planning our wedding which I had to cancel because well we had to. But a lot of us do it and work really hard. I just wanted to talk about what I had been going through at school, at work, with my relationship, and try and make sense of what any of it had meant. 5 years of back and forth, hospitals, fights, police called, children scared confused our relationship was described as toxic? He is amazing and promises me that here is in it for the long haul but I can’t help but feel so awful to have tone put him through this. He is always upset about something. The fact that I fell in the road a few weeks ago and had a 5th metatarsal fracture and ligaments torn has led to other dr appointments, cast on the foot/leg, no driving, can’t even work! I took on more of the house duties as things were just not happening or shown the care she used to do it. I know that stress is trigger but i cant be calm with him. I didn’t take the verbal and emotional things he would say and do personally, I knew it was “the disease”. Then when I came home from university (graduated with honours) and told her I found out I had bipolar, again, she thought I was blaming her. Among couples where one spouse has Bipolar Disorder, there is a heightened risk of divorce. Married for nearly half an year with a bipolar wife. Sometimes the hardest part is putting yourself first. ‘if you didn’t hang my dirty shirt in the wardrobe i wouldn’t have reacted this way’ its the little things that tick him off. I think the bipolar spouse would be better off divorced! Divorce is often a prelude to a “downward drift” where the person with Bipolar Disorder seeks and receives less treatment, suffers more frequent and more serious mood swings, and encounters problems with employment, the legal system, and life in general, and experiences deteriorating finances and physical health. Once you start blaming us for that too, you’ve doomed the relationship. His treatment order was lifted in May as he was able to convice his doctors, case manager and myself included that he fully understands his condition and promised to continue his meds!He got what he wanted! When it was just us for the first 8 years it was manageable. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 10 years old. “You still need to take care of yourself. Being that i love him i want to help him and i am at a loss his family tells him to go see a doctor because they notice moods swings as well but he does not want to seek help but thinks that we are just trying to tell him what to do. She has an incredibly hard time dealing with emotion, something which even the rest of her family agrees on, and he was undiagnosed bipolar. He says the nastiest things to me and makes me cry very often. Bipolar people may verbally abuse you by blaming you for things. I have a good job and education, but I feel the same as you describe, whenever I try and defend myself it inflames his temper more and the verbal and psychological abuse gets worse. I have bipolar and was diagnosed a year ago. His rage comes from nowhere In particular, and goes on for days. Great to hear Cynthia that you’re helping him take his medicine. He sent me to Texas for six weeks and when I returned he had already signed a one year lease for a townhouse and had packed to move out. The anger, the impulsive behavior, the blaming, the irritability, the over-reacting. My husband on the other hand, has grown more manic and rage driven as time goes on. I am not sure I can stay with my bi-polar husband. In my life right now he is the only one I have any kind of extreme conflict with. If you can meet with someone that your husband trusts then that person can help him to set goals to guide his behavior as a spouse and a father. He has been in for 2 weeks and is bipolar. 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